I need your opinion on something. Though I know, that finally, only I can find the right answer, you can help me. I was kind of shocked this weekend, because completely unexpected thing happened. Andrew ( husband that I considered to be almost ex husband as we decided that we won’t be together long time ago) said something stunning. He said (quote): “You are my soulmate and I want for us to be together”. So short sentence and so powerful.
Short update. I was going to move out in the next couple of month and it was completely decided thing for me because he didn’t want to work on our relationship, he didn’t see us together and I didn’t want to agree on what we had. We lived like friends or rather half-strangers for months and I’ve been feeling single most of the time.
And now he wants to try. He wants to fix it. I won’t lie to you, on the one hand, it would be much easier because I still love him at some point. And I miss this feeling being a team. Having somebody to come home to. I miss us. But on the other hand, I know how hard it gets between us. I know how easy he can become angry over something stupid.
I feel like I owe him to try. I owe myself to try. But I’m so tired of how hard our relationship was on me, how hard it was on us both. I just want to enjoy every day and appreciate simple things that make me feel alive.
A lot of “wise” people say that world around us is just a reflection on what we have inside. I’ve changed a lot over last year, maybe it can be different between us?
Anyway, I decided that no matter what will happen between me and Andrew I won’t let myself to lose this feeling that I have now. I just feel good and I know that it’s up to me how to react on everything that happens. It’s my choice what to feel every morning when I wake up. And how to go through my day.
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin–real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.– Alfred D. Souza
Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.
—Lucy Maud Montgomery