Obstacles

I need your opinion on something. Though I know, that finally, only I can find the right answer, you can help me.  I was kind of shocked this weekend, because completely unexpected thing happened. Andrew ( husband that I considered to be almost ex husband as we decided that we won’t be together long time ago) said something stunning. He said (quote): “You are my soulmate and I want for us to be together”. So short sentence and so powerful.

Short update. I was going to move out in the next couple of month and it was completely decided thing for me because he didn’t want to work on our relationship,  he didn’t see us together and I didn’t want to agree on what we had. We lived like friends or rather half-strangers for months and I’ve been feeling single most of the time.

And now he wants to try. He wants to fix it. I won’t lie to you, on the one hand, it would be much easier because I still love him at some point. And I miss this feeling being a team. Having somebody to come home to. I miss us. But on the other hand, I know how hard it gets between us. I know how easy he can become angry over something stupid.

I feel like I owe him to try. I owe myself to try. But I’m so tired of how hard our relationship was on me, how hard it was on us both. I just want to enjoy every day and appreciate simple things that make me feel alive.

A lot of “wise” people say that world around us is just a reflection on what we have inside. I’ve changed a lot over last year, maybe it can be different between us?

Anyway, I decided that no matter what will happen between me and Andrew I won’t let myself to lose this feeling that I have now. I just feel good and I know that it’s up to me how to react on everything that happens. It’s my choice what to feel every morning when I wake up. And how to go through my day.

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin–real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.– Alfred D. Souza

Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.
 —Lucy Maud Montgomery

 

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6 thoughts on “Obstacles

  1. Shannon says:

    This is such a hard decision to make. Stay true to your heart and yourself. In the end it WILL be the right decision…what ever you choose.

    • whiteeecrow says:

      Yes, it is a really hard decision. And I think you are right that there is no wrong option, I should remind that to myself all the time. I know that I will be alright no matter what I choose. And life is amazing thing, you never know what it’ll bring tomorrow :). Thank you, Shannon, for the support!

  2. thisbrokenhearthashope says:

    First of all, I love those quotes! You always have such great ones. Someone once gave me great advice that no decision has to be permanent. If you make a decision and down the road find out it was the wrong one, you can always change your mind. It’s really freeing to realize that. Good luck! I know you’ll follow your heart.

  3. Amy says:

    yes it is hard indeed. But i believe you know the answer already, smartie. If it doesn’t work the first time, don’t force yourself to believe it will this time. Staying with someone out of pity doesn’t help the person, and yourself. As i am an observer, i think the best to do is to give you both a little time. It doesn’t need to be a love relationship you know. You both can make it a beautiful friendship where you still can support each other.
    Time comes and you will meet someone you truly want to be with. If you still hesitate, then maybe it’s not meant to be. If you have doubt, ask your intuition! It’s a wonderful source

  4. jobo says:

    This is a really tough one (also LOVE the quotes), and you are right in only that you can make that decision. However, if I still loved him, I might personally give it a go, but if I knew we were past the point of ever being able to capture the marriage we once had, I would not. My ex husband sort of realized he made a mistake and asked if it was too late…and it just was. It was the minute he told me he wanted a divorce. It was the loss of trust, the pain that somehow erases the love I felt for him almost instantly. So…I guess I am sort of saying I would not give it a go, now, aren’t I? It is indeed a very difficult decision. Keep us posted. XO.

  5. whiteeecrow says:

    Thank you all for your comments! It’s great to know that you care about what is happening in my life.
    I decided not to concentrate on all this situation for a while. I’m sure that right decision will come along. I will be traveling a lot this month, it will definitely help me to take a break from everything. Thank you all again! I’ll keep you posted ;)

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