To be or not to be?

I’ve been confused lately. More I think about my career, more I understand that I need to be psychologist. And if you take to consideration that I’m software developer, you will understand a root of my confusion.

I always was good at math, technical stuff and from early age I decided that I’m going to earn enough money for comfortable living – so I became a programmer. And to be honest, I’m quite good at programming, but I’m not passionate about it. I believe that to be a great at something you need to LOVE it. What I like about programming mostly that you are creating something from nothing, you can change it, make it as you see it, it’s like your child at some point. Programming is always challenging, it makes your brain work. But my problem is, I don’t see a lot of sense in technical progress. Of course it has a lot of benefits, but have people become happier, healthier? Ok, let’s say I will create a lot of wonderful programs, will it be really significant?!… Articles about finding your true calling say that you need to look at what you do in your free time. As soon as I leave work, I’m far from programming or reading about that. And if I want to be really good at it, I need to.

On the other hand, since I discovered psychology I have been passionate about it. I always was curious to get why I’m who I’m, why I behave in some way not another and why people around me do so. And more, I had couple of chances to help people with some deep problems (I’m not trying to play in psychologist, it was natural process) and I love this feeling, when you know that you make difference. Sometimes I feel so helpless when someone is suffering and I can’t do almost anything about it. Recently, when aunt of Andrew died, I wanted so much to be more helpful to his mother, who took it very hard, was depressed and lost…

What is making me think twice, I understand that psychology is very serious and responsible thing to practice. How can I know that I really have some natural skills to work in this field? It’s one thing to read books and try to use it in life, but to be psychologist is so much more. I’m very sensitive and compassionate to problems of others, will I be able to leave them at work? Will I be able to see positive things in every person and like everyone? Can I control my temper enough not to lose it in difficult situations?

For start, I decided to take child steps, try to get on deeper level. Then, if I want to change my career completely I need to study and work parallel, start everything from zero. It’s serious step to do. But isn’t it worth it? To do what you love and feel significant? Life is definitely short for doing something else.


5 thoughts on “To be or not to be?

  1. Hi, dear Whiteee :-) First of all, thank you for this post!

    You are a fascinating person because you want a change, a change that will make you what you feel, who you are, how you see the world, and how you grow. I understand you, and what you feel about your profession. You are able to do it, but it doesn’t motivate you, it doesn’t give/add a meaning to your life. I know, it is a struggle between our existence and reality. Be it an inborn ability, or something powerful given by divine power, it is an undescribable thing put into us to make a change in this world!!!

    I wish you good luck in the path of psychology and I believe you will succeed since you want it ! Nature gave you a stunning ability to fight for your goals!! :-)

  2. Donn says:

    It’s quite coincidence, but I’ve been in a similar position as well. I grew up thinking I’d want to do something related to IT; took an economics class by chance one day and told myself I had to do something related to economics/business. Then a few years later read a book on poems that absolutely blew me away and told myself I had to do something related to art. I’ve been looking for a way to reconcile these interests for the better half of the last decade or so, and have had the occasional success. I hope you’ll be able to find yourself in this period of transition… good luck!

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