The sight of the stars makes me dream…

I mentioned before (https://whiteeecrow.wordpress.com/2010/11/07/finally/) that I was about to refuse one of offers for “moving abroad”. But when we started talking with employee, everything got sorted out and we decided to proceed. So, in two weeks I should be there. Of course there are a lot of difficulties, for example I need to move out from apartment and with all my baggage go to another town where I need to pick up my visa and till that moment I don’t even know if it is issued :). No way to do it differently. And next day I already have a flight… So, if something goes wrong, it leaves me in another town, with all my baggage and without apartment. But you know what? I don’t care. I decided that in case some problems appear, I will just stay in that town or move to another one, anyway I have no reason to come back here (I wasn’t going to live here for long time).  I’m considering it like a small adventure. There is no reason to worry, because it won’t help, but it can take away part of my life where I can be happy.

I’m glad that soon I will start new period of my life, though old one was full of useful experiences, it wasn’t easy time and it connected to John in my mind as it started with him and because of his presence in my life.

I couldn’t imagine half a year ago that I’ll be standing where I’m now and will be so calm about all uncertainty that waits me ahead. But we can’t control everything. And without it life would be probably boring.

p.s. I would appreciate if you send me some positive energy “for luck” :)

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” ~Vincent van Gogh

The art of happiness

Excerpts from “The art of happiness” by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler.

Sometimes when I meet old friends, it reminds me how quickly time passes. And it makes me wonder if we’ve utilized our time properly or not. Proper utilization of time is so important. While we have this body, and especially this amazing human brain, I think every moment is something precious. Our day-to-day existence is very much alive with hope, although there is no guarantee of our future. There is no guarantee that tomorrow at this time we will be here. But still we are working for that purely on the basis of hope. So, we need to make the best use of our time. I believe that the proper utilization of time is this:  if you can, serve other people, other sentient beings. If not, at least refrain from harming them. I think that is the whole basis of my philosophy.

So, let us reflect on what is truly of value in life, what gives meaning to our lives, and set our priorities on the basis of that. The purpose of our life needs to be positive. We weren’t born with the purpose of causing trouble, harming others. For our life to be of value, I think we must develop basic good human qualities – warmth, kindness, compassion. Then our life becomes meaningful and more peaceful – happier.

*****

I think that this is the first time I am meeting most of you. But to me, whether it is an old friend or new friend, there’s not much difference anyway, because I always believe we are the same; we are all human beings. Of course, there may be differences in cultural background or way of life, there may be differences in our faith, or we may be of a different color, but we are human beings, consisting of the human body and the human mind. Our physical structure is the same, and our mind and our emotional nature are also the same. Wherever I meet people, I always have the feeling that I am encountering another human being, just like myself. I find it is much easier to communicate with others on that level. If we emphasize specific characteristics, like I am Tibetan or I am Buddhist, then there are differences. But those things are secondary. If we can leave the differences aside, I think we can easily communicate, exchange ideas, and share experiences.

*****

I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear. We all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…

Solitude

So many stones have been thrown at me,
That I’m not frightened of them anymore,
And the pit has become a solid tower,
Tall among tall towers.
I thank the builders,
May care and sadness pass them by.
From here I’ll see the sunrise earlier,
Here the sun’s last ray rejoices.
And into the windows of my room
The northern breezes often fly.
And from my hand a dove eats grains of wheat…
As for my unfinished page,
The Muse’s tawny hand, divinely calm
And delicate, will finish it.

June 6, 1914, Slepnyovo

Anna Akhmatova

I Taught Myself to Live Simply

I taught myself to live simply and wisely,
to look at the sky and pray to God,
and to wander long before evening
to tire my superfluous worries.
When the burdocks rustle in the ravine
and the yellow-red rowanberry cluster droops
I compose happy verses
about life’s decay, decay and beauty.
I come back. The fluffy cat
licks my palm, purrs so sweetly
and the fire flares bright
on the saw-mill turret by the lake.
Only the cry of a stork landing on the roof
occasionally breaks the silence.
If you knock on my door
I may not even hear.

Anna Akhmatova

Good luck, bad luck, who knows?

A father and his son owned a farm. They did not have many animals, but they did own a horse. One day the horse ran away.

“How terrible, what bad luck,” said the neighbors.

“Good luck, bad luck, who knows?” replied the farmer.

Several weeks later the horse returned, bringing with him four wild mares.

“What marvelous luck,” said the neighbors.

“Good luck, bad luck, who knows?” replied the farmer.

The son began to learn to ride the wild horses, but one day he was thrown and broke his leg.

“What bad luck,” said the neighbors.

“Good luck, bad luck, who knows?” replied the farmer.

The next week the army came to the village to take all the young men to war. The farmer’s son was still disabled with his broken leg, so he was spared.

Now was that good luck or bad luck?

Who knows?

 

Moment

The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.

I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness lately. I couldn’t help noticing that usually happiness in momentary. Usually, we all are waiting for something.  To find person to share life with, to have children, to build career, for child first words, first steps, to find a job of our dreams, to buy a house, to travel, to retire and many many other things. And it looks like real life is passing by while we are waiting. Because life is today. Life is now. It’s exactly this moment. Maybe tomorrow will bring what we expect, maybe not. And who knows what is better after all. Can we see in perspective if it’s good or bad if things didn’t work out expected way?

Finally!

Next week is going to be exciting. I had two opportunities for moving abroad. One of them I lost about a month and half ago, another one was so real, that I was starting to believe that it’s going to happen this time :). But during all visa preparation (mainly gathering of information, documents) other side (company of employer) doesn’t look serious at all, hasn’t been keeping agreements and I decided it’s too insane to lean on such people, so tomorrow I’m going to write that I’m refusing the offer. We’ll see what happens next.

After resolving all issues with the offer, I finally will be free to plan my future steps, not depending on anyone. It’s best thing ever. It’s one of the hardest things for me to depend on actions of somebody, to wait. Though I have been trying to move abroad for a couple of years now and I hoped for finally doing it now, I’m not disappointed. I believe I have better options ahead of me.

Last months have been really challenging. Aside my failed personal relationship with John, I lost my savings, again because of counting on him too much. It’s stupid to rely on somebody in all areas. Everyone is free and he/she can walk away every second and it’s ok. It’s a main point of freedom :). For same reason, I needed to work for some time at home. It’s another difficulty for me, because I need people around, I need actions, I’ve been feeling stuck here, like everything has stopped.

So, you can imagine how happy I’m! It’s finally going to change! After I deal with offer I mentioned I can start searching for a job here. I need to move to another town, but it’s not a problem. I can finally act! I haven’t decided exactly what job I want, but for some reason I believe that I will get my answer.

Have a great week!