Forgiveness (Buddha)

The Buddha was sitting under a tree talking to his disciples when a man came and spit on his face. He wiped it off, and he asked the man, “What next? What do you want to say next?” The man was a little puzzled because he himself never expected that when you spit on somebody’s face, he will ask, “What next?” He had no such experience in his past.

He had insulted people and they had become angry and they had reacted. Or if they were cowards and weaklings, they had smiled, trying to bribe the man. But Buddha was like neither, he was not angry nor in any way offended, nor in any way cowardly. But just matter-of-factly he said, “What next?” There was no reaction on his part.

Buddha’s disciples became angry, they reacted. His closest disciple, Ananda, said, “This is too much, and we cannot tolerate it. He has to be punished for it. Otherwise everybody will start doing things like this.”

Buddha said, “You keep silent. He has not offended me, but you are offending me. He is new, a stranger. He must have heard from people something about me, that this man is an atheist, a dangerous man who is throwing people off their track, a revolutionary, a corrupter. And he may have formed some idea, a notion of me. He has not spit on me, he has spit on his notion. He has spit on his idea of me because he does not know me at all, so how can he spit on me?

“If you think on it deeply,” Buddha said, “he has spit on his own mind. I am not part of it, and I can see that this poor man must have something else to say because this is a way of saying something. Spitting is a way of saying something. There are moments when you feel that language is impotent: in deep love, in intense anger, in hate, in prayer. There are intense moments when language is impotent. Then you have to do something. When you are angry, intensely angry, you hit the person, you spit on him, you are saying something. I can understand him. He must have something more to say, that’s why I’m asking, “What next?”

The man was even more puzzled! And Buddha said to his disciples, “I am more offended by you because you know me, and you have lived for years with me, and still you react.”

Puzzled, confused, the man returned home. He could not sleep the whole night. When you see a Buddha, it is difficult, impossible to sleep again the way you used to sleep before. Again and again he was haunted by the experience. He could not explain it to himself, what had happened. He was trembling all over and perspiring. He had never come across such a man; he shattered his whole mind and his whole pattern, his whole past.

The next morning he was back there. He threw himself at Buddha’s feet. Buddha asked him again, “What next? This, too, is a way of saying something that cannot be said in language. When you come and touch my feet, you are saying something that cannot be said ordinarily, for which all words are a little narrow; it cannot be contained in them.” Buddha said, “Look, Ananda, this man is again here, he is saying something. This man is a man of deep emotions.”

The man looked at Buddha and said, “Forgive me for what I did yesterday.”

Buddha said, “Forgive? But I am not the same man to whom you did it. The Ganges goes on flowing, it is never the same Ganges again. Every man is a river. The man you spit upon is no longer here. I look just like him, but I am not the same, much has happened in these twenty-four hours! The river has flowed so much. So I cannot forgive you because I have no grudge against you.”

“And you also are new. I can see you are not the same man who came yesterday because that man was angry and he spit, whereas you are bowing at my feet, touching my feet. How can you be the same man? You are not the same man, so let us forget about it. Those two people, the man who spit and the man on whom he spit, both are no more. Come closer. Let us talk of something else.”

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Idea worth spreading

I used to understand that I had the ability to stop thinking about one thing by consciously choosing to preoccupy my mind with thinking about something else. But I had no idea that it only took 90 seconds for me to have an emotional circuit triggered, flush a physiological response through my body and then flush completely out of me. We can all learn that we can take full responsibility for what thoughts we are thinking and what emotional circuitry we are feeling. Knowing this and acting on this can lead us into feeling a wonderful sense of well-being and peacefulness. ~Jill Bolte Taylor

The best video of this kind I’ve ever seen. It definitely worth spreading.

(originally from: http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html)

Midnight thoughts

I’m holding on to something that is not real. Why, should I ask myself. Obviously John is not the man I should pay attention to. Obviously he is not a Man. But when something happens in relationship both woman and man take a part. What was my role in that? What should I learn about myself? Maybe that I shouldn’t search for love in somebody. I should have it inside already. Deep love for life and myself. Of course I have it, but looks like not enough… All love that I need should be inside already?! Most likely. Then I can give it to others without expectations to get something back.

Just some thoughts inside my head after hard day. And I’m not drunk if you are wondering :).

The shadow of your smell

I felt your smell today, out of the blue. Suddenly, I’ve got felling that you are around me. I felt like when we were together. I miss this feeling so much. For some reason, today I need you more than for a long time… And of course you have nothing to do with my life now. I can’t call you, I can’t even write you an email… I can’t connect with you at all… You are stranger.. You are nobody.. You’ve chosen to be one.. Who could think, that you can leave me behind so easy.. Isn’t it funny?
I’m still lost..

Life

I feel empty today and scared. I found out that my aunt in-law is dying. She is great. She is from kind of thinking people, kind of people that question patterns. She is very special. It’s hard to get how somebody can be real like me, be a part of visible world, live, breathe and then disappear. Such moments remind that nothing is certain. Nobody knows what tomorrow brings and safety is delusional.  Of course we can believe that soul lives for eternity, but unknown is always the most scary part.  I wish I could help her somehow. I wish I could save her. At least save her from pain.. It’s hard to get how I can feel so okay physically when she is suffering…  How can I function as always.. Just breathe as always… eat.. drink.. move… feel.. For her everything is different. All my problems are so miser, so insignificant… How can I care about such stupid things as leak of desirable job or absence of person to share my life with if I have possibility to change it every moment.. I breathe, I function.. I have this moment. Shit… I hope from all my heart she will be happy. She deserves all the best…

The world of my dreams

I was away for one week. I was in my dreams. I was in the world where you can be whole thing with nature, the world where you can leave all your troubles behind.. where you can just be…..

I miss it so much.. I miss the feeling of incredible silence under water, observing jumping net of sunlight there. I miss unthinkable sense of unity with everything that arises in me so easily and often when I’m a part of that world. I miss a light-hearted look of the fishes, the whole world that opens when you dive into the water… observing the sky from the water surface lying on my back…  the silent enjoying of sunrise with complete strangers… sense of incredible harmony and security. I miss a thousand of things, but I’m happy that I know about existence of such world and soon I will be back.