He is gone

I understand that person that I loved doesn’t exist. I saw what I wanted to see in John. Of course not without his help, but still. On the other hand I understand that this person in my head was real for me. And i lost him, he is gone for good. So, no reason to hope that tomorrow I will get call or letter from him with words of eternal love and beg for forgiveness. I should stop feeling butterflies in my stomach when I get new letter or when my phone rings… I should stop subtracting one hour from my time when I check my watch (we have difference in one hour in GMT) and think what he is doing. Of course, I wouldn’t go for it again if  he would call, though some part of me still wants to get this call. But it’s impossible because I will never speak to this man that I loved once. He is gone!.. No way back.. Now I need to explain it to my heart…


9 thoughts on “He is gone

  1. ittakesahero says:

    I can relate to this. I went through something similar earlier this year. It gets easier with time, trust me. Until then my thoughts are with you during what is obviously a difficult period in your life. – Jacob

    • whiteeecrow says:

      If I look back on last months it was really hard time, compeering to that I’m doing better, so I think I really can feel what you meant. Thank you for support, Jacob, it means a lot!

      • ittakesahero says:

        It’s certainly a progression. Definitely cease contact with this person. I’ve found that you can never process and get over anything, romantic or otherwise, until the situation has run it’s course and fallen silent. You must be removed from it to understand it, and you must understand it to get over it. – Jacob

  2. Shannon says:

    When someone told me that I would eventually go through entire days without thinking of Bill or wondering how he is or what he was doing, I was shocked. How could that possibly ever happen. But it did and it does. Till then you wait for their return even if you say you don’t want it. Becuase you are right, your heart still does.

    • whiteeecrow says:

      Yesterday we finally ended our ridiculous business partnership with John, I think from that point it will be easier now. I had conversation with him yesterday evening and it reassured me one more time that I’m happy that I don’t have any future with this person. Actually, it’s hard to admit, but he did me a big favor when he walked out on me, I could waste some time and go much farther. Now when my head is in right place, I just need to wait till my heart be there too.

    • ittakesahero says:

      Eventually your heart stops wanting them to come back, if you’ve made sure to deal with the emotion of the situation correctly. But that takes time, endurance, focus, and inner strength.

  3. ittakesahero says:

    Also – John has no answers for you. No one does. The answers that you need, the ones that have meaning, are the ones you find and believe yourself.

    • whiteeecrow says:

      I believe that with time everything will be clear. Now, I realize what happened much better than before. What is most important for me now is to get fully a purpose of all this story… to learn my lesson and move on.

      • ittakesahero says:

        Agreed. If you don’t learn your lesson you will repeat the same mistake. I can attest to this.

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