The dog and the nail

A man had been driving through the country on an old dusty road and was looking for somewhere to rest and stretch his legs. He had been driving for some hours and had not passed any places where he could rest and recharge.

As the sun started its decent into the afternoon the man saw in the distance a small farmhouse. As he drove closer he could see an old farmer sitting on a chair looking out into his fields.

The man, who was in need of a break decided he would pull up to the farm and see if he could rest a while. The man pulled up on the roadside and walked up the well worn driveway. When he approached the old farmer he asked if he could sit next to him and rest a while. The farmer looked up with a piece of straw in his mouth, smiled and nodded at the man.

As the man walked to take his seat next to the old farmer he noticed an working dog lying beside the farmers legs.

Giving the dog a quick pat the man sat himself on the next chair and closed his eyes to give them a well deserved rest.

As time went by the man noticed that the dog sitting next to the farmer would suddenly howl and yelp in great pain then suddenly stop.

The dog did this 3 to 4 times in the hour he had been sitting there and finally the man looked over at the old farmer and asked, ‘why does your dog howl and yelp every now and then?’

The farmer looked down at the dog, shook his head and looked up at the man, the old farmer replied, “you see son this dog here is lying on a nail, but its only hurts enough to yelp about”.

The man looked at the dog and wondered to himself how many things in his life hurt only enough to complain about, but not enough to do something about.

It’s amazing how so simple story can reveal so deep things. How often we hear complains about job, marriage, money, health, life in general, but usually people don’t do anything about it.

Ask yourself if there are some nails you are sitting on? Maybe it’s time to stand up? Can you do something about it today? It can be something small, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Love letter to yourself

I’m currently reading  “No Matter What!” by Lisa Nichols. “Lisa Nichols is an expert lifecoach whose passion is to help others achieve peace and happiness”. One of book’s assignments is to write love letter to yourself. You should try, it will definitely bring some positive emotions and energy. First, ask yourself what would you write to your best friend to show him/her your love and respect. Then, put yourself on your best friend place and write letter to you.  Here is mine, just for example, maybe it will help to do yours:

Dear *****, I wanted to tell you one more time how much I love and respect you. I’m so thankful that you are in my life, I hope you don’t forget that. You are so strong and brave, you know how much I admire you! Very few people are not afraid to chase their dreams and you are among them. There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. You belong to third type. I know that you had one of hardest times ever this summer. But it’s already behind you and I’m so proud of you for handling all your troubles so well. You always loved autumn, it’s great moment for a new start. Autumn will bring peace and harmony into your heart.. You know very good that all problems that you had, have made you who you are, and I love this person a lot. Everything is going to be great, I know it, because I know you! You deserve to have all the best and you will have it, I have no doubt about it! I love you and I’m always here for you, please don’t forget about it! It’s your time. The time to celebrate life!

Love,

*******.

He is gone

I understand that person that I loved doesn’t exist. I saw what I wanted to see in John. Of course not without his help, but still. On the other hand I understand that this person in my head was real for me. And i lost him, he is gone for good. So, no reason to hope that tomorrow I will get call or letter from him with words of eternal love and beg for forgiveness. I should stop feeling butterflies in my stomach when I get new letter or when my phone rings… I should stop subtracting one hour from my time when I check my watch (we have difference in one hour in GMT) and think what he is doing. Of course, I wouldn’t go for it again if  he would call, though some part of me still wants to get this call. But it’s impossible because I will never speak to this man that I loved once. He is gone!.. No way back.. Now I need to explain it to my heart…

One more goal

Mistakes are opportunities for learning. To condemn your brother for making mistakes is to pretend to be mistake free, which you are not. I have asked you before and I will ask you again: which one of you will throw the first stone?

You can release your brother from the judgment you would make of him within your own mind.  To release him is to love him, for it places him where love alone lies, beyond judgment of any kind. (Paul Ferrini)

I forgot to add very important goal to my list. The goal to forgive John for what he did. Actually this is very important one because without accomplishing  it I can’t really be in harmony with myself and surrounding.  Without it I can’t fully accept personal accountability for what I’m feeling. Everything I think, feel, say or do belongs to me. I am responsible for all of it (Paul Ferrini). Doesn’t matter what somebody does, I decide how I feel concerning it.  I don’t need to search for source of happiness in somebody, I won’t find it there. I can find it only inside. If we are incapable of finding peace in ourselves, it is pointless to search elsewhere.

Yes, I can’t get how he could go for his goal so long, be so sure about it, involve other people, make promises, plans, finally make promise to himself (!) never ever give up and then just feel like not doing it. I think I can’t ever understand it, but actually I don’t need to do it. I need to accept. I need to accept that he is different. He couldn’t do better because of his previous life experiences, dispositions, instincts etc. I never was in his shoes,  how can I know how was it for John?  It’s not wise try to understand him through my eyes, using my standpoints, my principles.

I need to forgive John for myself.  I respect myself too much to live with  offense, hate or any negative feeling to him.  I want to move forward without this heavy burden. It’s time to take responsibility for my own feelings and let others be responsible  for themselves.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, when you are ready to stop hurting for what someone else did. . . .

Forgiveness means changing the attitude of disappointment by canceling the expectations and allowing an attitude of unconditional love to flow out to yourself and to the person who disappointed you. You can only release yourself or another from one expectation at a time. We do this by changing the expectations into preferences. The preference states how we would have liked things to be. Forgiveness is a decision not to punish ourselves anymore for the wrongs of others or our own wrong doing. It is a decision to re-enter into the flow of life and love. (Edith Stauffer)

I miss you like crazy

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay

Despite everything that happened and is happening now, I miss you like crazy… I miss you thousand times per day and I’m tired of it. I miss the sound of your voice, your voice gently whispering and humming,  humming words of love to me. I miss the way you loved me, wanted me, held me, the way you touched my skin… I miss the way you looked at me… like I’m most perfect creature on planet earth.. like I’m most wanted and like I’m your most desirable dream that finally came true.. like I’m miracle… Shit! You couldn’t live a day without me, what happened to that? You couldn’t fall asleep without imagining hugging me… You couldn’t stand if I was not in a mood for saying that I love you.. You couldn’t sleep if I had doubts about us, because you couldn’t imagine your life without me… or when I was with you, because you wanted to enjoy every minute being around me… You said I was your ray of hope, your sunshine, your happiness, your freedom… When I disappeared even for one day, you got insane, you couldn’t do anything.. You flew 1300 km every 2 weeks to be with me and to be apart from me was hardest thing for you. Was it real? Was it a lie? Was it a dream?

Miss you like crazy :(

Your **********

Saddest Poem

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: “The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance.”

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don’t have her. To feel that I’ve lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn’t keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That’s all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else’s. She will be someone else’s. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.

Pablo Neruda

I do not love you except because I love you

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.I love you only because it’s you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Pablo Neruda